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6.26

What is my purpose in life? Honestly, I have one million answers to this specific question. However, as much as this question runs through my mind, how I could respond is limitless. I am a multifaceted individual. I am living proof of how diverse and ever-changing we, as human beings, can be. Life comes with many experiences.  The best way to describe my purpose would be to describe who I am. Rather than explaining to you who I have been or who I want to be, I want to tell you who I am. Right now, in this present moment, I am sitting on my bed. My computer is propped on a pillow, music is playing through my headphones, and I am feeling elated. I feel like my purpose is this, writing this very essay, explaining who I am, and why I deserve to be alive.  I want to tell the story of my life’s greatest event. It truly all accumulated last year, the past, the present, and the future, and I could feel the question burning my mind. What do I want my purpose to be? Due to the cir...
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 25.1.23 12:59:00 Today I am so fucking irritated. I wish to throw my head through the window and jump into the icy lake. The "winter storm" could never be enough snow to bury my heated anger. The frozen ground would melt under my heavy stomping. I would run straight through the geese and dive. Hoping for hypothermia. Hypothermia has always been my preferred suicide method. I always expected it would be in the middle of the forest. I would hike as far away from everyone. No one would hear my screams as I ripped my clothes of my body and felt the burning sensation of dying. Yet, today the anger I have is making me imagine a moment where I wasted my ideal death (decomposing into the Earth). I am day dreaming of  
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11.3.2023

11.3.2023 The Last Supper I have lived the most beautiful life. In my last moments, I wish to honor my body and soul. I wish to feed myself a meal that will make me feel truly wonderful. Throughout my life, I have experienced many sensations. I would never be able to choose a single delicacy. Instead for my last meal, I would request a smorgasbord. A wooden platter in the shape of a heart, filled with a selection of my most desirable cravings.  I am an entirely different person than I used to be. My favorite things have changed over the years. As a child my favorite thing to eat was raspberries. To my taste buds, raspberries have always expressed a divine flavor. I would choose to eat raspberries first. They are always one of my first choices when it comes to choosing a flavor.  I would want the edges of the smorgasbord to be lined with raspberries. Freshly picked, the delicate red berries would bring me an immediate sensation of happiness. Following the lining of raspbe...
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