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6.26

What is my purpose in life? Honestly, I have one million answers to this specific question. However, as much as this question runs through my mind, how I could respond is limitless. I am a multifaceted individual. I am living proof of how diverse and ever-changing we, as human beings, can be. Life comes with many experiences.  The best way to describe my purpose would be to describe who I am. Rather than explaining to you who I have been or who I want to be, I want to tell you who I am. Right now, in this present moment, I am sitting on my bed. My computer is propped on a pillow, music is playing through my headphones, and I am feeling elated. I feel like my purpose is this, writing this very essay, explaining who I am, and why I deserve to be alive.  I want to tell the story of my life’s greatest event. It truly all accumulated last year, the past, the present, and the future, and I could feel the question burning my mind. What do I want my purpose to be? Due to the cir...
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 25.1.23 12:59:00 Today I am so fucking irritated. I wish to throw my head through the window and jump into the icy lake. The "winter storm" could never be enough snow to bury my heated anger. The frozen ground would melt under my heavy stomping. I would run straight through the geese and dive. Hoping for hypothermia. Hypothermia has always been my preferred suicide method. I always expected it would be in the middle of the forest. I would hike as far away from everyone. No one would hear my screams as I ripped my clothes of my body and felt the burning sensation of dying. Yet, today the anger I have is making me imagine a moment where I wasted my ideal death (decomposing into the Earth). I am day dreaming of  
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learning love

I am starting to learn  Violence is not the only pain Tired of crying vengeance Asking for your name Love is this feeling  The only world Here and now  This pain hits me  Understanding hurt  Hurt without violence  Crying my own name  I love myself  Yourself is loved the same  Love comes to me  violence goes  Through this love  Pain grows 
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